Once upon a time, I saw everything in black and white. It was either right or wrong, good or bad, true or false.
Back then I saw it as a good thing. I justified this by using the idea that I shouldn't be "luke warm" but needed to be "hot or cold". As a result, I always saw myself as falling on one side of the line ... either completely good or completely bad. If it was a good day, I was "good". If I screwed something up, I was "bad".
That philosophy did nothing for me or the rest of the world but put a deeper divide between us. I lost a lot of friends to this thinking ... most of whom, today, I still haven't gained back.
Today I live in the gray area. Most of the things I was "black and white" about before I've realized I can't possibly know for sure. Being dogmatic on any one point has become far less important to me than just figuring out how to live and get along in the world according to a few simple ideas.
If knowledge is power, admitting you don't know is nuclear power. It's hard to argue with (*shrug*).
A good friend of mine, who I'd classify as a 'neo-conservative' fundamentalist, considers me a liberal. Other people in my circle of friends probably think I'm going to hell. Why am I damned? Because I have refused to lie to myself about that of which I couldn't possibly be sure. I've refused to tell myself I'm right... and have instead embraced the fact that life and the One who created it are both bigger than I am, and I can't possibly figure either of them out. Are there some things about which I'm sure? Absolutely. Just not the "right" things.
So am I horribly evil? Nahhh. I'm only mildly evil. I'm no more evil than I was before. If anything, I'm less so ... because I'm far less destructive than I used to be. I've nearly destroyed other lives, relationships, and more all in an effort to be "right". No more of that. I'm ready to do my best to heal the wounds and to repair the damage that has been done, and to go on with life.
Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?
Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?
It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes .
(Ecclesiastes 7:16-18)
(*shrug*)
