No Regrets

I love the place that I am in life.
I do not regret it at all.
I don’t regret kids—or my wife,
I am absolutely thrilled with my situation.
I am blessed to be here.

And I don't regret running away once--it was an experience I'll never forget
I don't regret the bad decisions I made growing up
I don't regret hurting all the people I hurt
I don't regret any of the relationships that I've had, or lost
I don't regret loving the people I've loved
I don't regret hating the people I've hated
I don't regret falling in love over and over--only to hurt and to be hurt
I don't regret the sand
I don't regret the many late nights
I don't regret the lies I've told
I don't regret the money I've lost--whether for good causes or for bad
I don't regret Tyler Texas
I don't regret anywhere else
I don't even regret Kansas
I don't regret the bus ride
I don't regret Pizza Hut
I don't regret angering people
I don't regret going out on my own
I don't regret my beliefs (and/or lack thereof)
I don't regret the rain
I don't regret the weed
I don't regret that trip to the state fair
I don't regret the relentless pursuit
I don't regret the phone call
I don't regret the music, the art, or the writing
I don't regret the times people think I'm nuts
I don't regret business, marketing, or money
I don't regret any job I've ever had
I don't regret Junior High
I don't regret High School
I don't regret anything between or after
I don't regret making out in the park
I don't regret lying about what I was doing
I don't regret church
I don't regret not going to church
I don't regret having a mentor
I don't regret losing the same
I don't regret Live Oak
I don't regret Anaheim Hills
I don't regret the Queen Mary--or anything for the 2 weeks before
I don't regret Beach Blvd
I don't regret "the contract"
I don't regret everything but
I don't regret staying the night
I don't regret Billy Joel
I don't regret the walks on cold nights
I don't regret YRH
I don't regret September 11th (It's my birthday, nimwit)
I don't regret October 16th of 93
I don't regret November 16th of 94
I don't regret leaving you
I don't regret you leaving me
I don't regret being sensitive
I don't regret thinking "too much"
I don't regret losing touch
I don't regret finding each-other again
I don't regret telling the truth
I don't regret the things you know about me
I don't regret the things you don't know
I don't regret being lied to
I don't regret being misled
I don't regret yesterday, or today

It may be hard to understand
but I just don't regret where I am
And I don't regret any of the things
that led me to this place,
Which means everything above and more...

However I got here--whether through good or evil,
happiness or sadness,
anger, joy, love, or hate--I am glad I am here,
and I would never want to be
anywhere else.

Everything has made me who I am
And I can't regret it, not at all
Call me selfish, hate me even (you won't be the first)
But I am happy to be here and have
no regrets as to how I reached this place
No matter how bumpy the road

If I've loved you--good
I've you've loved me--great
I've we hate each other--perfect
If you never knew me--you did your part

Somehow, I regret nothing.

And I don't regret writing it down.

~wbv

The Case For *Shrug*

Once upon a time, I saw everything in black and white. It was either right or wrong, good or bad, true or false.

Back then I saw it as a good thing. I justified this by using the idea that I shouldn't be "luke warm" but needed to be "hot or cold". As a result, I always saw myself as falling on one side of the line ... either completely good or completely bad. If it was a good day, I was "good". If I screwed something up, I was "bad".

That philosophy did nothing for me or the rest of the world but put a deeper divide between us. I lost a lot of friends to this thinking ... most of whom, today, I still haven't gained back.

Today I live in the gray area. Most of the things I was "black and white" about before I've realized I can't possibly know for sure. Being dogmatic on any one point has become far less important to me than just figuring out how to live and get along in the world according to a few simple ideas.

If knowledge is power, admitting you don't know is nuclear power. It's hard to argue with (*shrug*).

A good friend of mine, who I'd classify as a 'neo-conservative' fundamentalist, considers me a liberal. Other people in my circle of friends probably think I'm going to hell. Why am I damned? Because I have refused to lie to myself about that of which I couldn't possibly be sure. I've refused to tell myself I'm right... and have instead embraced the fact that life and the One who created it are both bigger than I am, and I can't possibly figure either of them out. Are there some things about which I'm sure? Absolutely. Just not the "right" things.

So am I horribly evil? Nahhh. I'm only mildly evil. I'm no more evil than I was before. If anything, I'm less so ... because I'm far less destructive than I used to be. I've nearly destroyed other lives, relationships, and more all in an effort to be "right". No more of that. I'm ready to do my best to heal the wounds and to repair the damage that has been done, and to go on with life.

Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?

Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?

It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes .

(Ecclesiastes 7:16-18)

(*shrug*)